You’re pouring your heart out. You preach like a man possessed (in a good way). You wax eloquent. And then it happens; you make eye contact with the one person in the crowd that can truly humble you – your spouse.

You can fake it with others, but not with her.

Possibly the most difficult part about being a preacher of the Gospel is that at least one of the listeners knows everything there is to know about you.  I think God plans it that way. The great equalizer for many preachers is that their spouse knows better.

It is easy; very easy to impress some crowds. Say the right things in the right way with your best preacher voice and you can wow the crowds. But when someone siting there knows the intimate secrets of who you really are, that is another story.

Preach about faith; she knows your doubts. Preach about prayer; she knows your prayer life. Preach about integrity; and she may smirk (inside).

I think God plans it that way. To keep you humble…to stay real…God reminds you that, no matter what you say, one other person there besides you and Him knows your bathroom habits.

I think the toughest part of being a preacher is that my wife sits there, amening me, nodding her head and being supportive, but knowing full well all my flaws. And still she graciously receives the Word. Quite humbling, I must say!  And good for us preacher-types, lest our arrogance get the best of us. Without these humbling realities, our heads would probably explode with pride. The way it is, it’s sometimes difficult to hold your head up while preaching when she’s in the crowd.

I’m thankful for grace from God and from my wife.

By the way, any preacher who won’t admit to this is either a liar or more spiritual than I am (which isn’t always saying much).

Crucible: (dictionary.com)

1) a container of metal or refractory material employed for heating substances to high temperatures.

2) a hollow area at the bottom of a furnace in which the metal collects.

3) a severe, searching test or trial.

Everyone has their cross to bear. My “cross” is the death of our child. On October 25, 1990, our world changed forever when our 4 year-old Jenna Nicole went to heaven after a battle with neuroblastoma, a rare but fatal form of childhood cancer. In the words of a friend who had lost his son 10 months earlier in a fire, “welcome to the fraternity that no one wants to join”.

This is my testing by fire, my crucible. This crucible shapes me and defines who I am as a man. It influences my opinions on most topics and creates passions in me that are otherwise unexplainable. Every day of my life is impacted by my crucible.

Another friend says that we passed the ultimate test. According to him, our test was a proving ground. I am not so sure that I have passed this test but I am in the process of passing it each day.  The test is in holding my head up and staying positive and helping other struggling people. My wife and I take no credit for the strength we have, it is simply a gift of God’s grace that allows for our survival. We have learned to give our grief to God; to offer it to Him so that someone else may be helped. Pain that is held inside will rot the soul.

Your crucible is your own. No one can endure it for you. It is hot, for sure. It’s not fair to compare it to the crucible of someone else – no two crucibles are the same. But in Christ, you can stand up under it and survive. You can thrive through your crucible.

I Peter 1:7 These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold–though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world. (NLT)

I am privileged to be returning to Haiti in two weeks. Our work with International Orphan Support continues to expand. While in Haiti, I will be able to visit homes for children in Montrouise, Dufailly and Pierre Payan. IOS is unique in that all administrative costs for operation are covered by its leaders. 100% of individual contributions go to the homes that take care of the children. If you’d like to make a donation that will help the children in Haiti, please click on the link about a go to the “Give” page.

Thanks for considering this and for helping us to spread the word!

Rick Whitter 

It’s been a tough week. West, Texas, the Boston Marathon, and countless lesser-recognized crises that didn’t even make the news. Honestly, it’s been a tough recent past. It seems that we are stringing together a series of really ugly tragedies. So much pain.

When everything is great, hypocrisy comes easy. But please notice how bad times have a way of bringing out whatever is inside us. This week, first responders in Boston are being heralded because they ran toward exploding bombs. Volunteer firefighters in Texas rushed to the scene only to lose their lives. Although there are only a few of these heroes, all over the country, whatever was inside of us came out.  Fear, anger, hatred; all of these are legitimate responses to the tragedies. Some run for cover while others run into the fire. Some get even more political and blame the “other” party. Some take advantage of the crisis and loot nearby stores. Whatever is inside comes out in times of crisis. You can’t hide it.

While you can’t hide what’s inside, I do believe you can change what is inside:

If your first response to bad news is giving up, pray for strength from God.

If your first response is revenge, pray for justice.

If your response is to cower in the corner or to panic or to lose control, pray for courage.

The problem with these responses? They offer no hope. No one is helped.

If your response is in any way anything other than hope-filled, God can help you.

The heroes of today are analogous to Christ. When humankind was in serious trouble, He came running, bringing hope. He was the First first responder.

Here is the bad news: another tragedy is on the way. Tomorrow or next week or next month something bad will happen. Make no mistake, the strong will rise to the occasion and make a positive difference. The weak will be controlled by the tragedy.

We need to be strong. God help us be strong in Your strength.

Whether it’s broken by infidelity, boredom or stress, a messed up marriage is one tricky fix. The problems usually begin with insensitivity on the part of one and hurt feelings on the part of the other. The frustrations turn to anger and communication breaks down. By this time, things are headed south quickly and somebody had better get a clue before it is too late.

And for the record, don’t let anyone tell you it’s never too late. Of course it’s too late once one of the parties involved goes too far; say for example – gets married again. There are some bridges that, once crossed, can never be used as a return route.

So what is the only fix for a broken marriage?

It’s when both people involved decide that they will do WHATEVER it takes to save their marriage. They may no longer be in love. They don’t have to care deeply about the other person. And they may feel that their marriage is not worth fighting for. But if the couple mutually agrees that they will stop at nothing to salvage, heal and restore their marriage, it will happen for sure. Refusal to give up is a powerful ally for a bruised marriage. For the record – nothing is impossible with God.

“Whatever it takes” means basically the same thing for both people. Whatever has happened to cause damage must stop happening immediately. Past hurts must be let go. Trust must be built. Both parties must be in the relationship to serve their partner. Total participation by both people is required. These details explain why this idea is so hard to realize. If it were easy, we would see fewer divorces.

So why is it so rare to find a marriage that is saved at the midnight hour? Because people who are so broken find it nearly impossible to believe that there is hope. Unforgiveness, pain and the desire for freedom set the agenda. If therapists or pastors can only get people to see that the real solution is in their hands, and get them to accept the possibility for change, many marriages could be saved.

It can happen. It is rare, but it is possible.

The problem is, most people are not willing to do “whatever it takes” – so this concept probably won’t gain much traction. However, if only one marriage is given a second chance, that would be awesome.

Please apply this idea as necessary. If you don’t need it, please pass it along to someone who does.

By the way, this approach is the best way to AVOID problems in marriage. Let’s prevent so we don’t have to repair.

There is one reason why I am not concerned about a jealous husband coming after me: I have not been doing things that I shouldn’t be doing. I have not cheated with someone else’s wife nor have I cheated on my wife.  Please don’t take this as bragging and I know better than to get prideful; but there is a deep sense of comfort that comes from knowing that my conscience is clear.  I remember hearing my pastor talk about this topic when I was a kid and I didn’t really understand. He spoke of the freedom of walking down the street with confidence, knowing that no one was gunning for him because he’d been messing around – because he HADN’T been messing around! I understand now and I treasure the fact that God has taught me the value of relationship integrity.

I know too many guys who have been guilty of adultery and I also know many who have been victimized by it. While Hollywood normalizes these activities, the results in real life are always devastating; lives are being destroyed.

Let’s pray for men in general and husbands specifically. Pray for purity and fidelity among us. Pray that we older guys can model for younger guys what it means to be a man of purity. Pray that young men in America will not believe the lies being pushed by our culture that say manhood is determined by sexual activity. Pray for fewer reasons for crimes of passion. Let’s ask God for forgiveness of our sins and that He will help us to overcome our temptations and make us more like Christ.

I Corinthians 16:13 in various translations…

KJV: Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.

MSG: Keep your eyes open, hold tight to your convictions, give it all you’ve got, be resolute.

Douay-Rhelms: Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, do manfully, and be strengthened. (I love that: “do manfully”!)

Whitter: Keep your guard up, dig deep in Christ, don’t be a weakling, win the war!

I heard myself saying the right things but I felt myself feeling nothing. As we were at the bedside of a yet another dying person, I was disturbed, not at the idea of death or even the mourning of a family but that I had grown so accustomed to the scene. This was after many years of pastoring. Too many funerals, too many emergency room visits, too many death-bed experiences. I had become the pale-faced, cold-blooded undertaker we’ve all seen on old westerns – except that I was supposed to be a pastor. It wasn’t that I didn’t care; I really did and was hurting for the family. It was simply a matter of overexposure and lack dealing with grief properly.

I didn’t get numb overnight. Unfortunately, I’ve had more than my share of morbid experiences: Identifying bodies burned in a house fire; gruesome deaths of children; and having to do things in hospitals that nurses didn’t want to do and family members couldn’t bring themselves to do. The breaking point seemed to be the slow and agonizing death of a young friend. I stood helplessly by his side for months and watched as his wife and young son let him go. I helped the undertaker load his lifeless body on the gurney.

I had allowed a shell to build up around my heart. For years, while conducting funerals, I have heard remarks like, “I don’t know how you held it together.” But this was different – this wasn’t composure.

I got my wake up call before it was too late. When I realized I wasn’t experiencing the proper response to death, I knew something had to change. I have since made necessary adjustments. These changes are too personal to share but they were precise and effective.

So how does one in my profession avoid becoming cold-blooded? My few suggestions would be:

Allow yourself to grieve (possibly in private because your breaking down in public could cause a tidal-wave response).

Be sure to debrief after especially difficult experiences.

Seek counsel when the load is heavy. Even those in the helps industries need help.

Pray that God will keep your heart tender. See Ezekiel 36:26.

I don’t regret my life work. In fact, I treasure it and am honored to be called by God to do this work. But I would like to avoid this pitfall in the future and help others to also avoid it.

Don’t let yourself become numb.

Big decisions are being made right now. Many people are strongly opinionated about some current issues. Lines are being drawn.

But I wonder how most people arrived at their conclusion.

If you will allow me, I will humbly make some suggestions for anyone who is considering which side of the fence they are on regarding the issues in the news.

Don’t allow the media to influence you. They have an agenda. And they have no interest in your best interest.

Don’t trust the political parties. Once again, they merely use the citizens to get what they want.

Don’t form your opinions based on social media. Most people who voice their positions there have not studied the issues.

Don’t be influenced by celebrities. I heard a quote the other day: “What happens in Hollywood doesn’t stay in Hollywood.” While I wish that were not true, it is. Without being too harsh, we don’t need a bunch of dysfunctional rock stars directing our lives.

Don’t go by polls or popular opinions. These change with the wind.

Don’t make your decisions based on your emotions. These also are subject to change.

Don’t side with what seems right. Like it or not, we are sometimes easily deceived.

Don’t even base your opinions based solely upon the church because the church is made up of imperfect people.

So, where do we go to get the correct guidance when we are making our decisions about controversial topics?

I bet you saw this coming: Go to the Bible. And here is why:

The Bible is here to stay. It has withstood the test of time. It has survived all the scrutiny. It will not change. It takes no regard for what is popular or trendy. It is not influenced by popular vote. It is not even concerned with hurting people’s feelings. It simply is the truth. The reason it is the truth is that is it authored by God. He is the only One who never changes. What He says has always worked and it always will work.

A really good reminder about this is found in Matthew 24:35 “Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will by no means pass away.”

Whether it is gay marriage or abortion or the economy, you just can’t go wrong siding with God. He has never been wrong, and never will be.

Hey leaders, when something goes down within your organization, don’t let people blame you.

Step up and blame yourself!

That’s right. Leaders don’t run from blame and they certainly don’t blame other people. Leaders accept the responsibility for the need for change and they lead it! That’s what leaders do.

Leadership guru John Maxwell says, “Everything rises and falls on leadership.”  There have been times in my career that I have hated that adage. When things are going poorly and the team is not producing, I want to point at someone else and take the pressure off of myself. But it’s my job to lead the team into success. With certain qualifiers, as goes the leader, so goes the team. There will be times when someone else messes up. As the leader, we must be strong enough to shoulder the blame and do what it takes to correct the direction.

I heard a ministries consultant take another angle: If you’ve been at your current appointment for at least 3 years, you own every problem. You can no longer place the blame on your predecessor.  You’ve been there long enough to address it. As the current leader, it’s your duty to deal with it and fix it. We can’t exonerate ourselves from it or abdicate our responsibility.

Let’s use Jesus as our example:

In John 18:10, Simon Peter cut off the ear of Malchus. Jesus rebuked Simon and healed the guy’s ear! He explained that His kingdom was not one of violence.

In Matthew 17:24-27 Peter commits Jesus to paying taxes without consulting Jesus. Again, Jesus fixes the problem.

In Mark 9:14-29, Jesus’ disciples failed to remove a demon spirit from a boy. Jesus took care of the issue and set the boy free.

Notice something – not only did Jesus accept responsibility and fix the problems, He also showed His disciples how to prevent the problems from being repeated. He utilized them in the solution, training them for the future.

I love that! Real leaders are willing to meet a challenge head-on. They do whatever it takes to correct the crisis. They utilize the problem to train their team. And as a result, the team grows in its abilities.

So once again, when something breaks in the organization, don’t find someone else to blame. Just lead the change. That’s what leaders do.

When you are the only one in the crowd who looks like you and talks like you, it’s a strange feeling. But it’s a valuable experience for us know what it is like to be really different from everyone else.

This happens occasionally on missions trip. I have had a few experiences where I was alone in a foreign country; I didn’t speak the language and I couldn’t read the signs. This happened to me both in Haiti and in Indonesia. Talk about feeling vulnerable! I tried to make myself as unnoticeable as possible. I didn’t want to bring attention to myself. No eye contact, look confident and brave, try to look tough so as to discourage any would-be thugs looking for an easy mark. And once those experiences were over, it was a huge relief to get back with a more familiar crowd – where I was like everyone else.

The picture above is my 2 year-old granddaughter, Sophia. She is being raised in Central America where her parents direct an orphanage (casashalom.net).  She is the only white child among 70. Blonde hair and blues eyes really stand out. If her family remains there, she will be raised as a member of the minority culture. While she will certainly face challenges because of this, she will grow up with a unique perspective on life.

The more of a minority you are, the more you feel out of place. Well, you are out of place – that’s the point! Stuff happens in your heart when it is painfully obvious that you are not like everyone else.

I think that there is tremendous value in, from time to time, being in the minority:

• You learn compassion and empathy for people who live this way. Many people spend their entire lives as a minority. They can never truly relax. They are always being profiled. Now you know a little bit about how they feel – there is value in that.
• You increase your awareness of and sensitivity to the culture around you. You watch others and try to behave as they do. Becoming a part of the people takes top priority. This is a valuable skill for missionaries.  The Apostle Paul discusses this in I Corinthians 9:19-23.
• You walk carefully, not wanting to offend someone or create a cultural faux pas. One unintentionally rude mannerism can get you into big trouble.  You grow in your ability to relate to other cultures.
• Your vulnerability keeps your ego in check. It’s hard to be arrogant when everyone thinks you are strange.
• You learn to appreciate your familiar surroundings. Once you get back home, you can feel the security of your safe zone, and it feels nice.

I believe this also relates to our lives as Christ-followers on this earth. The Bible tells us that we are aliens; we are not citizens of this world (John 17:14, Philippians 3:20, I Peter 2:11).  We must remember that we are out of place here. Let’s not get too comfortable. Let’s not let down our guard. Let’s walk carefully. Remember, we are the minority.

Go for it. Take a trip or put yourself in a situation where you are the one who is different. Be deliberate about it. I think it will change your perspective.