Leadership Empathy

design-10What do good leaders know about the emotions of those they lead?

Daniel Goleman and Paul Ekman write and talk about the emotions of everyday people, leaders included. Goleman’s book, On Emotional Intelligence is a highly recognized and invaluable resource for today’s leaders (I believe it should be required reading for every pastor).

In a recent article, Goleman and Ekman detail 3 ways that a leader can sense what another person is feeling. Leaders who have a developed social and emotional intelligence are far more effective at leading others than those who do not. This concept is especially important to those of us who work closely with people who struggle or experience crisis. I found the information helpful in the continual honing of my leadership skills.

The first trait listed is “cognitive empathy,” which is simply being aware of how the other person feels and perhaps what they could be thinking at that time. Most people are able to read the emotions of others. Verbal and physical cues provide most of the data needed in order to identify the emotional state of others. However, leaders must be aware that, in some situations, being aware is not enough. This skill is appropriate when negotiating a deal or brokering a transaction. But in especially sensitive circumstances, others can perceive cognitive empathy as cold hearted, detached or non-caring. Depending upon the nature of the issue being addressed, cognitive empathy may not be enough.

When dealing with people in crisis, leaders should also display “emotional empathy.” Emotional empathy is when a leader feels the emotions of those they lead. It provides the ability to sense AND feel what is happening in the people around us. This is a vitally important trait for those in ministry, in helps industries, and especially for parents. Any married person had better master this skill! Of course, there are times when emotional empathy can hinder the effectiveness of a leader. An example may be a pastor who must provide care to a grieving family. If the minister cannot compose herself long enough to conduct a funeral service, they won’t be able to help the family much. There is a time to cry and laugh along with people, but there is also a time to maintain composure.

Ekman identifies a third element: “compassionate empathy,” which Goleman calls “empathic concern.” This type of empathy takes a leader beyond awareness and sensitivity – to action. We are moved to get involved. Once again, in crisis situations, this trait can be invaluable. Unless and until leaders regularly experience and express compassionate empathy, they are lacking a Christ-like attitude about leadership.

While we are not the Messiah, the Lord calls Christian leaders to not only be aware of and experience the emotions of those we lead, but at times, we are compelled to engage in helping to heal the hurting. James 2:15-16 provides thought: “Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food.  If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?” (NIV) Not every situation requires a leader to have empathetic concern (we would be in a mess if they did), but leaders must never lose the ability to feel and take appropriate actions.

As the world becomes more complex, the responsibilities of leaders follow suit. It is necessary for us to be aware of emotions, feel along with those we lead and know what action to take and when.

It’s not as easy as some people think. So let’s work on it.

The Science of Survival

41Iu-eGceGL._SX331_BO1,204,203,200_I am in the process of reading several survival books: biographies autobiographies, and survival science about people who survived in very difficult, life threatening situations. The reason for my interest is, I see many in my world who don’t survive. They quit. They give up. They fail. They go through the motions of their work but on the inside they are done.

Why do so many leaders opt out before they are successful? What causes some apparently emotionally healthy people to resign from life? Is there a key to understanding why people willingly throw away a lifetime of hard work? These survival books are a fascinating way of discovering the emotional and mental makeup of those who live when many others die.

I’ve read of Salvador Alvarenga who was stranded in the ocean on a boat for 438 days. I read about the Uruguayan rugby team that crashed in a plane in the Andes Mountains and only 16 of the 45 survived (for 72 days) (by eating human flesh). I read about Steve Callahan who was lost at sea in a rubber life raft for 76 days. Yossie Gensburg was lost alone in the Amazon for weeks, with no food or supplies. In 1856 a boat with over 100 passengers sank, and only one, Thomas Nye survived. I’m reading about Joe Simpson who broke his leg atop a 21,000 mountain in the Andes, and crawled his way back to civilization. So many crazy stories of people who beat the odds when most others could/would not.

Deep Survival: Who Lives, Who Dies and Why is a fascinating book by Laurence Gonzales. He delves deep into the human psyche to find what makes some people live despite impossible odds. He especially contrasts the mindset of those who die with those who live.

Gonzalez lists 12 traits of survivors. In the interest of brevity, I will list 5: 1. See the beauty: even in the middle of crisis find the lovely details in the surroundings. 2. Be there for others: those who survive often do so in service to other people. 3. Develop a stoic mindset: focus, discipline and emotional stability are vital to survivors. 4. Know your stuff: many times, survival is a matter of preparation and knowledge ahead of time. 5. Face Reality: survivors understand the danger; they know what is at stake. But they know how to function well in spite of the danger.

I think this list is very applicable to my life as a leader right now.

Once again, I am studying these traits because I want to survive and I want to help others to survive. It is no secret that the same skills and characteristics that help people survive in outdoor emergencies are the the same ones needed to survive everyday life.

While I enjoy the outdoors, I have no plans to be stranded in the ocean or in the mountains. But daily I need survival skills that keep me going against the odds. I plan to survive!

God Loves the Church (even with all of its problems)

design-7God loves the Church, even with all of its problems. He is fully aware of the corruption and exploitation. He knows the phonies, the bullies, the manipulators and the heretics. Nothing gets by Him. He sees every time a church leader abuses someone. He knows every time an unscrupulous leader steals money. He is aware of the wrong that is done in the name of the Church. He takes note of the damage that religious regulations do. For every horror story you and I could tell about the Church, God could tell a million.

Yet, in spite of all of these things, God loves the Church. The Church is God’s plan to reach the world. He identifies the Church as His “Bride.” Even with all of its faults, God chooses to work through the Church. There is no other plan to reach the world for Christ – He chose the Church and only the Church to serve this purpose.

Before we criticize the Church, before we choose to leave the church, if we make the decision to stay away from church altogether, realize that God has His hand on the Church. When we make the choice to walk away, we are actually hurting the Church rather than helping the Church. The Church is the Body of Christ, we are meant to be connected to the Church; if we are not, we all suffer.

The Church will never be perfect while we are here on this earth. But each of us can vow to do our best to make the Church better. It becomes better as a whole when the individuals that make up the Church become better people. When I become better and you become better, the Church becomes better. In fact, when participants in the church accept the duty to become better Christians, the Church always improves. The Church represents Christ; we must do our best to represent Him well.

Rather than bemoan how bad the church is, let’s invest in making the Church better. The next time someone criticizes the Church, invite them to be a part of the solution. And the next time you observe something bad about the church, take responsibility to make that bad thing good. You will be making the Church better.

God loves the church, even with all of its problems. We must also love the Church.

What is Means to Live “On Mission”

design-6In reality, everybody lives “on mission.” Whether or not you realize it, you have a mission. It may be to retire early. Or catch a really big fish. Or run a 7-minute mile. But we’re all on one mission or another.

There are missions and there is “The Mission.” A capitalized Mission refers to the Great Commission. Jesus gives the Great Commission to His followers as a means of reaching the world with His love as well as providing meaning and purpose in our lives. It says, “Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.” (Matthew 28:19-20 ESV)

Living the Mission means that the goal of our life is to make disciples for Jesus. The most important thing in our life is to lead others to follow Him. So, when we live “On Mission”, it may include things like:

-A second career as a volunteer. -Living on a lower standard of economy so you can donate more to others. -Sacrificing a vacation so you can go on a serving trip. -Cutting back on luxuries so you can give to the needy. -Foregoing a birthday or Christmas gift for yourself and giving to others. -Seeing every relationship as an opportunity to help someone find Christ.

Basically, living On Mission means you realize that there are more important things than your comfort or ease. It seems somewhat counter intuitive; but we derive joy from providing joy for others.

Here’s the thing about living On Mission: it is fulfilling. In fact, most people who give away as much as they earn describe their lives as extremely meaningful and rewarding, Those who serve the most are the happiest. Those who live to focus on the Lord and others find life way more rewarding than those who live to focus on themselves.

Want to live On Mission? You can start here:

  1. Say no to something that you like.
  2. Give something valuable away.
  3. See the world through the eyes of others.
  4. Serve someone, with no strings attached.
  5. Do something for someone (anonymously.)

You’ll find yourself enjoying the concept of selflessness. And you will be making a big difference in the lives of others.

Live On Mission.

There is a Time to Be Silent and a Time to Talk

design-5There is a time to be silent and a time to talk.” Ecclesiastes 3:7b

I’m working on the application of this Bible verse in my life. I have talked when I should’ve been quiet, and I have clammed up when I should have spoken up. In the future…

I will try to talk:

When someone is taking advantage of or victimizing an innocent person. When someone asks an honest question and I have the answer. When I have something of value that needs to be added to the conversation. When the Gospel needs to be shared verbally. When lies are being spoken and the truth is not present.

I will try to be quiet:

When people want to argue. When political debates are happening. When I want to be noticed. When someone disrespects me. When I think I know more than others. When any additional words have no benefit.

“There is a time to be silent and a time to talk.”

International Women’s Day

IMG_4842Let’s celebrate this special day without making it controversial. Enough of the competition and jealousy. Women are a gift from God to the world. It is unacceptable that we are still seeing so much disrespect and objectification. It is past time to end this rampant disrespect.

Through the years, I have seen many females as the most effective leaders. They have been courageous, strong and extremely competent. In the face of great opposition and resistance, they have succeeded. We should be extremely grateful for the women among us who are willing to serve, lead and make the world a better place.

Personally, I am a proponent of allowing God to use whomever He chooses. If they can accomplish the goal, it is foolish for us to limit them because of our presuppositions.

If you wish to debate the qualifications of women to lead, go ahead. But while you are debating, they will be busy leading and accomplishing things of eternal significance.

God bless you, women of the world!

What are we going to do about Illinois?

IMG_4837Rest assured. My wife and I love Illinois. It is an honor to live here and a privilege to serve the great people here. This is precisely why I ask the question above.

Those who live here will admit, Illinois is experiencing some real challenges. Recently, there has been a lot of talk in the news about the reducing population here. At the bottom of this article are some links that discuss the problem and they are the resources for data I used.

A few details shared are:

Illinois’ population has fallen for the fifth straight year. The state lost an estimated 45,100 people in 2018. In 2017, around 33,700 people left. That means more than 11,000 more people left the state in 2018 than in 2017.

From July 2017 to July 2018, more than 114,000 Illinoisans left the state, a total population decline of more than 45,000 people.

The population loss is intensifying.

Illinois is the only state in the Midwest that saw a population loss. More than 43,000 people moved to Minnesota this year and more than 30,000 moved to Indiana.

The most important numbers in the new federal statistics involve domestic migration — the number of people leaving Illinois for other states, such as Texas, Indiana and Wisconsin.

Since Illinois’ population decline began in 2014, the state has shrunk by more than 157,000 people. That’s equivalent to losing the entire city of Joliet, Naperville or Rockford.

The primary driver of Illinois’ outmigration crisis is prime working-age residents (ages 25-54) seeking opportunity.

The most important factor in Illinois’ migration problem is the labor market, which has been crushed by the state’s unfriendly tax policy and business climate.

A Southern Illinois University at Carbondale poll from 2015 showed that half of the Illinois residents polled would leave the state if they could.

The result of all of this data and information is troubling for those of us who love the Land of Lincoln. We are concerned about the future. We’re not sure what the future holds. And we regularly encounter people who are somewhat hopeless about any chance to turn the state around.

I realize, this is all fairly negative. But we believe in transparency: it is what it is. But hang in there; we’re about to turn a corner.

We believe that we are right where God wants us, and that changes everything!

What do leaders do when times get tough? They fight for what is right. When we discuss our issues, we’re not whining, where strategizing. Max DePree says that, “The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality.” Illinoisans are not stupid – we know full well what is happening.

But there are times that the answers may not be as easy to identify as are the problems.

Of course, we need tax reform. Businesses need a break in order to compete. We must clean up our corrupt politics. We have to change the narrative about Illinois. We’ve heard enough of the complaints. We’re committed to develop solutions!

We’re developing a strategy to rescue Illinois. Sounds grandiose, doesn’t it? Too ambitious? Naïve?

Here’s the thing: we are convinced that our presence here is God’s strategy. He has a solid record of positioning people where they are needed. The good folks in our faith family are not accidents. They aren’t here by chance. God placed them as missionaries to a culture that is in great need of their ministry. A good many of them love their state deeply and wouldn’t leave (regardless of what the SIUC survey reveals).

If God put us here, He has some expectations of us. His idea is not for us to work toward tax reform or to clean up politics. His idea is for us to be representatives of His Kingdom in a place that really needs it. God sends us where we are needed most. If our communities were perfect, we wouldn’t be needed. If Christians abandon the tough places, hope will be lost.

We consider Illinois to be our Mission Field.

As such, our plans center around a few key ideas:

  • Act redemptively. Rather than moan and groan, we will talk answers. We have identified the reality, now we plan to change the reality. We won’t run away from the problem, we will run toward it.
  • Create positivity. Life is more than luxuries and comfort. Our intention is to make life better for people. Where there is a need, God will enable us to meet it. The culture and atmosphere will change.
  • Invest in the future. This investment is not necessarily in the industries of the state; this investment is in our most valuable resource – young people.
  • Intentional inclusion. Our leaders will commit to purposefully and strategically include not-so-likely leaders in our leadership processes. Those who have been marginalized or put on a shelf for a later date will be encouraged, even compelled to lead.
  • Create an atmosphere of hope. Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard said, “Hope is a passion for the possible.” We will be authentically passionate about the good things that are possible for Illinois and its people.
  • We are recruiting difference makers. While some want to leave, others want to be problem solvers. While most people run out of a burning building, there are always heroes who run in. Illinois is not burning, but it’s in trouble. It will take some very courageous and passionate people to rush in. I’ve signed up and believe many more are prepared to do so.

I’m extending an invitation. If you are currently living in Illinois, let’s join forces to make this state as awesome as possible. If you used to live here but left, the door swings both ways. Consider coming home to help in the renovation. If you’ve never been here, if you drove through one time, if you know a lot or very little about this great state, we invite you to be a part of something remarkable.

Anybody can jump on a winning bandwagon. It’s easy to ride the coattails of others to easy street. It doesn’t take character to inherit the fruit of others’ labor. But only a chosen few experience the thrill of helping to redeem and rebuild a really struggling state that has endless potential.

We have a team of gifted and impassioned women and men, young and old that is committed to do whatever it takes to save and redeem our state. They know that this is their mission field. They don’t expect it to be easy and they know it won’t be quick. They realize that they are desperately needed. They have zero intensions of quitting. You can join us.

What are we going to do about Illinois? We’re going to turn it around! Who is with us?

https://wrex.com/category/2018/12/19/data-shows-more-people-are-leaving-illinois/

https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/editorials/ct-edit-illinois-population-loss-madigan-exodus-20181219-story.html

https://www.illinoispolicy.org/illinois-population-loss-worsens-for-5th-straight-year/

https://foxillinois.com/news/local/45000-people-left-the-state-of-illinois-in-2018-12-20-2018

https://www.ilnews.org/more-people-leaving-illinois/article_5fec216e-0ae3-11e9-a136-7bd1db46ea6f.html