Tag: cohabitation

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married, single, other?

We have gotten used to words being redefined. It happens all the time. “Sick” now means “really good”. “Wicked” now means … “really good”. Maybe eventually most words will evolve into meaning “really good”!

But today I’m thinking about the nuances of the language we use to identify our relationship status. Specifically, I am talking about the word “single”. “Single” used to mean unmarried. Now single means no boyfriend or girlfriend. This metamorphosis may seem slight and inconsequential. But I think not.

Along with a redefinition of the word comes a redefining of behaviors. Dating couples who no longer consider themselves single act, in most ways, as married couples. This is where the problem arises. I see kids changing their relationship status on facebook from “single” to “married”, and I get nervous. Obviously, they didn’t have a wedding but I see danger signs here. I also recently saw the old “it’s only a piece of paper” thing mentioned in regard to living together outside of marriage. Again, I get nervous.

Call it what you want, change the meaning of words if you like. There really are only two ways to identify yourself as it relates to marriage: single or married. If you did not have a legal wedding, you are single.

Oh, and the “it’s complicated” thing? I’m even more nervous!

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you may not like this but…it is truth

Living in south Florida is an adventure for a pastor. The people here are great, we love our church and friends are the best. But this is a very liberal place regarding issues of morality and sex.

I am responsible to tell people the truth, even when it hurts. At our church, we are finding, in increasing measure, that we need to say things to people that they don’t like, but that are necessary. Many of these episodes involve sex. It is common, I mean absolutely mainstream, for people to openly admit to having sex outside of marriage; cohabitation is the norm. There is no shame or guilt, and people are shocked when I share with them that this kind of behavior is not acceptable to God. And this happens very often within our church with people who know Jesus and study His Word.

I am so careful to speak truth in love. We try hard not to be condemning at our church. We are grace based and motivated by love. We are fully aware of the dangers of judging others – because none of us are perfect.  But I preach against sexual sins because it is covered thoroughly in the Bible. Heterosexual sex, homosexual sex (the Bible is against homosexual marriage), cyber sex, pornography – if you are not married – God forbids sexual activity. It doesn’t matter how old you are or how long you’ve been with your partner or the fact that you own a house together or have kids together. If you are not married, sex is wrong; the Bible prohibits it. I know that sounds like something from outer space in our culture – but it is truth.

Some people are shocked by this fact. They get offended. They get mad. They think I don’t love them. They think I am picking on them. And some of them leave, they walk away and continue with their lives. It is pretty easy in South Florida to find a church and pastor that will agree with them or ignore dealing with real issues. But most people just ignore what we say and go on about their lives. Please, if you are part of our church and are living with someone – we want you to remain as part of our church. But please listen to what God is saying to you. God wants to bless you and He will not bless a relationship that is outside of His will.

This all hurts quite a lot. It hurts to see people making decisions that are slowly destroying their lives. It is painful to lose friends because they think you are crazy for adhering to the Bible. I am troubled about this issue. It’s not going away, in fact it is becoming an even greater problem.

I have no choice. As a pastor, I have to navigate these treacherous waters. I will give an account to God one day for how I represented Him on these issues. I commit myself to tell the truth on these issues, regardless. I am not sorry for doing that, but I am sorry that it doesn’t always turn out well.

You will know the truth and the truth will set you free. (John 8:32) Be free!