Man Lessons

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My father-in-law passed away this week.  He welcomed me into his family almost 32 years ago. As I look back at the character that I was then, he should have busted my head and sent me on my way. I guess he saw something in me that could be redeemed. I’m so glad that he did.

Dave Haynes taught a lot of men a lot of things by the life that he lived. Among the things I learned from him were:

How to work hard. Dave exemplified hard work. He was an over-the-road truck driver who could do most any kind of work. I worked alongside him on cars, construction projects, plumbing and pretty much anything that needed to be done. As a former Marine Sargent, not many could keep up with him, even into his seventies. He put us young guys to shame with his strength and stamina.

How to love family. Dave was crazy about his kids and grand kids. He was committed to them and would fight for them if necessary. I’ll never forget him laying on the floor, (sleeping after a long haul in his truck) while his grand kids climbed all over him. They were never a nuisance to him – he loved every second of it. He was the ultimate family man.

How to stand strong for Christ. Dave had incredible faith. He knew the Bible very well, and memorized major passages of Scripture. He was very bold with his faith and was never ashamed to share it. He loved to debate (and was always right). Dave was an incredible leader in his church, serving faithfully up front as an Elder and behind the scenes in many capacities. My in-laws, Dave and Mary stood by my wife and I as we fought the battle of our lives – when our 4 year old was diagnosed with cancer. They prayed and fasted with us and were there for us when our little girl went to heaven. These are things one can never repay.

How to be generous. Dave co-signed for our first home.  He paid me generously for work I did for him. He gave us gifts at the holidays. He bought a thousand meals in restaurants. He always had someone in his home, feeding them a meal. He was a truly generous man.

How to love his wife. Dave’s wife of 59 years passed away nearly four years ago. A part of him died when Mary did. He went on with life and even remarried but those of us who knew him best saw him begin the dying process the day Mary died. This was not giving up – Dave never quit one thing in life. He simply knew his place – at the side of Mary Lou. Today they are together.

Dad wasn’t perfect but he taught me a lot about being a man. I probably would have picked up most of what I learned from other sources. But it was a blessing to be able to watch him and learn from him. I am grateful for his life. He is greatly missed.

Jealous Husbands Don’t Scare Me

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There is one reason why I am not concerned about a jealous husband coming after me: I have not been doing things that I shouldn’t be doing. I have not cheated with someone else’s wife nor have I cheated on my wife.  Please don’t take this as bragging and I know better than to get prideful; but there is a deep sense of comfort that comes from knowing that my conscience is clear.  I remember hearing my pastor talk about this topic when I was a kid and I didn’t really understand. He spoke of the freedom of walking down the street with confidence, knowing that no one was gunning for him because he’d been messing around – because he HADN’T been messing around! I understand now and I treasure the fact that God has taught me the value of relationship integrity.

I know too many guys who have been guilty of adultery and I also know many who have been victimized by it. While Hollywood normalizes these activities, the results in real life are always devastating; lives are being destroyed.

Let’s pray for men in general and husbands specifically. Pray for purity and fidelity among us. Pray that we older guys can model for younger guys what it means to be a man of purity. Pray that young men in America will not believe the lies being pushed by our culture that say manhood is determined by sexual activity. Pray for fewer reasons for crimes of passion. Let’s ask God for forgiveness of our sins and that He will help us to overcome our temptations and make us more like Christ.

I Corinthians 16:13 in various translations…

KJV: Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.

MSG: Keep your eyes open, hold tight to your convictions, give it all you’ve got, be resolute.

Douay-Rhelms: Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, do manfully, and be strengthened. (I love that: “do manfully”!)

Whitter: Keep your guard up, dig deep in Christ, don’t be a weakling, win the war!