This title comes from I Corinthians 4:15: “You may have ten thousand mentors in Christ, but you don’t have many fathers.” The Apostle Paul is exhorting the Believers in Corinth as the one who led them to the Lord. He had discipled them. He had invested in them. Yet they were not following his leadership.
This is a common problem.
I’d like to utilize this passage to address the issue of spiritual fatherhood/motherhood, and speak about why so few spiritual parents are engaged in discipling younger believers.
Paul is frustrated. He is not seeing his kids exemplify the desired behavior. His “students” are failing. He hopes to restore the brokenness in the teaching/mentoring relationship.
Here are a few reasons why so few seasoned believers serve as spiritual mothers and fathers:
- Few seasoned leaders have the patience to deal with less mature folks. It seems the older we get, the more we forget what it is like to be young.
- Not enough leaders are willing to invest the time, energy and resources needed to serve as a spiritual parent. It’s much like couples who don’t want children so they won’t be tied down.
- Some older leaders are intimidated by younger leaders. They feel insecure and are afraid they will lose something by raising up others. We must do better.
- A few older leaders had no role model when they were developing. They never had the advantage of a spiritual parent, so they don’t know how to become one.
- Too many experienced leaders get caught up in methodologies and refuse to adjust or compromise their preferences. Their insistence on rigid adherence to traditions limits their effectiveness in leading less experienced leaders.
- Some spiritual fathers forget that their spiritual children are children. They expect the relationship to be mutually beneficial. They think their son or daughter should affirm them. They may even “serve” with ulterior motives: to make themselves feel needed and appreciated.
- Some potential spiritual parents have discovered that there are few who are willing to be parented. Some spiritual children believe they already know it all. They refuse to sit, listen, learn. Or they only want a spiritual parent that will tell them what they want to hear; no correction, no rebuke, no discipline. And some are only looking for “cool” spiritual parents: the ones who look right, dress right, talk right and are popular.
- Some spiritual parents are put off by spiritual children who can’t wait for their parents to get out of the way so they can become the leaders.
Here is what I’m learning about being a spiritual father: It’s very much like being a biological father. Especially when the “kids” are young, I do the work. I pay the bills. I initiate the communication. I overlook the immaturity. I provide the safety and instruction and covering. And I must be prepared for the slow maturing process to take shape. I may be ignored, forgotten, disrespected and even abandoned. But I am called to father these folks.
As the children mature, my role transforms; I am less of a trainer and more of a cheerleader. I’m proud as they excel right past me. I stand back and watch them flourish. I am still a father, but my responsibility changes to a supporter rather than a provider. And spiritual parents seldom are recognized for their children’s success. We must be more than OK with that.
I am called by God to be a spiritual father. Sometimes that is a joy, at other times, a challenge. But if I refuse to serve as a spiritual father, I bear the responsibility of some precious individuals who will struggle.
Thankfully, my spiritual sons and daughters are gradually maturing and becoming what God intended.
Many Pastors, while still working hard on their online ministry are beginning to think ahead. What is next? How will this pandemic play out? Once we get back into our church buildings, how will the Church function over the next several weeks and months?
Lots of retailers make a lot of money from Christmas sales. Major corporations enjoy record profits year after year at Christmastime. Marketers, delivery companies and small businesses count on big sales during the holidays to boost their profits and add to their bottom line.
Definitions for this article:
Or do they?
The world is full of negativity. People are swamped with pessimism. Doubt, fear and pain paint the world in a pale shade of gray. People need some bright colors of Good News.
It’s Resurrection Week and church leaders all over the world are headlong into a massive ministry week. Most dream of capacity crowds and are focused on either filling their buildings or a specific numerical goal. While this is reasonable and usually honorable, the focus on “counting” can become deadly.
Pastors can be pretty demanding. They want us to come to church every time the doors are open, pay our tithes and then also give in offerings, volunteer to teach Sunday School and serve at work days, invite our neighbors to church and then pray for the church an hour per day! How unrealistic is that?!
There are things about ministry that can only be learned through experience. There are things about ministry that will only be learned through formal education. We need both!
Most people in the church are good. The vast majority of the people whom I have served as a pastor or in ministry in general had pure motives and could be trusted. But there are a few, just a minority, that seek to destroy, or at least are happy when destruction comes.
A few years ago, I arrived at the church to prepare for the morning worship service that was scheduled to begin a few hours later. As I walked across the platform, I noticed a piece of paper on the piano. I picked it up and read a note from the piano player explaining that they would not be back at the church. This was the first I had heard of it. We went ahead with the service; the lady and her family left the church. (However, they did come back and leave several more times in following years!)
If you’ve been attending a church for any significant length of time, you’ve experienced it: the service where nothing seems to flow. It feels tight. The music isn’t engaging, the sermon is dry, the crowd is down, and it feels like you’re just going through the motions rather than entering into the presence of God. I think this type of experience is inevitable although we should never accept it as OK. But what if this type of service has become the norm? What should one do if the spiritual climate of the local church is tepid at best. Long stretches of dead services are a sign of real trouble for a church. What if my church isn’t spiritual enough for me?
Recent violent tragedies in churches around our country remind us of our vulnerability. This can be a frightening time to lead a church. I know a lot of pastors who have their head on a swivel right now.
Kid gloves: that’s what I’m using while addressing this issue. The risk is that readers will think I’m not very spiritual. Or perhaps they’ll think that I’m the self-appointed judge of worship. It may be said that I’m watering down the message of the Gospel. But please, hang with me.
Thoughts on Life and Leading 