This title comes from I Corinthians 4:15: “You may have ten thousand mentors in Christ, but you don’t have many fathers.” The Apostle Paul is exhorting the Believers in Corinth as the one who led them to the Lord. He had discipled them. He had invested in them. Yet they were not following his leadership.
This is a common problem.
I’d like to utilize this passage to address the issue of spiritual fatherhood/motherhood, and speak about why so few spiritual parents are engaged in discipling younger believers.
Paul is frustrated. He is not seeing his kids exemplify the desired behavior. His “students” are failing. He hopes to restore the brokenness in the teaching/mentoring relationship.
Here are a few reasons why so few seasoned believers serve as spiritual mothers and fathers:
- Few seasoned leaders have the patience to deal with less mature folks. It seems the older we get, the more we forget what it is like to be young.
- Not enough leaders are willing to invest the time, energy and resources needed to serve as a spiritual parent. It’s much like couples who don’t want children so they won’t be tied down.
- Some older leaders are intimidated by younger leaders. They feel insecure and are afraid they will lose something by raising up others. We must do better.
- A few older leaders had no role model when they were developing. They never had the advantage of a spiritual parent, so they don’t know how to become one.
- Too many experienced leaders get caught up in methodologies and refuse to adjust or compromise their preferences. Their insistence on rigid adherence to traditions limits their effectiveness in leading less experienced leaders.
- Some spiritual fathers forget that their spiritual children are children. They expect the relationship to be mutually beneficial. They think their son or daughter should affirm them. They may even “serve” with ulterior motives: to make themselves feel needed and appreciated.
- Some potential spiritual parents have discovered that there are few who are willing to be parented. Some spiritual children believe they already know it all. They refuse to sit, listen, learn. Or they only want a spiritual parent that will tell them what they want to hear; no correction, no rebuke, no discipline. And some are only looking for “cool” spiritual parents: the ones who look right, dress right, talk right and are popular.
- Some spiritual parents are put off by spiritual children who can’t wait for their parents to get out of the way so they can become the leaders.
Here is what I’m learning about being a spiritual father: It’s very much like being a biological father. Especially when the “kids” are young, I do the work. I pay the bills. I initiate the communication. I overlook the immaturity. I provide the safety and instruction and covering. And I must be prepared for the slow maturing process to take shape. I may be ignored, forgotten, disrespected and even abandoned. But I am called to father these folks.
As the children mature, my role transforms; I am less of a trainer and more of a cheerleader. I’m proud as they excel right past me. I stand back and watch them flourish. I am still a father, but my responsibility changes to a supporter rather than a provider. And spiritual parents seldom are recognized for their children’s success. We must be more than OK with that.
I am called by God to be a spiritual father. Sometimes that is a joy, at other times, a challenge. But if I refuse to serve as a spiritual father, I bear the responsibility of some precious individuals who will struggle.
Thankfully, my spiritual sons and daughters are gradually maturing and becoming what God intended.
Perhaps we should start by redeeming the word, “ambitious.” While today’s version of ambition probably includes a focus on power or wealth or fame, the simple target I am after is, “a strong desire to get something done.” There is nothing wrong with being ambitious, if the ambition glorifies God. There is much wrong with a lack of ambition, with slothfulness, laziness or passionless leadership.
That’s not a typo.
To validate means to “recognize or affirm the validity or worth of a person.” (Dictionary.com). Before we get spiritual and argue that God is the only one who validates us, let’s be real.
Dialogue is necessary. Spirited conversations are a staple of our relationships. But is it possible that we talk too much? Must we have an opinion on every topic; one that simply must be expressed? I am not discouraging healthy verbal interaction. But consider this:
The Gospel is like “A Fire Shut Up in My Bones!” Through the years, countless preachers, including me, excitedly made this proclamation! There are few preachers of any experience who have not quoted or referred to Jeremiah’s pronouncement in chapter 20 and the inability to keep the Word of God quiet. Jeremiah describes it as a “fire shut up in his bones.” Although he had considered trying, he simply could not keep it in; the Message had to come out! It’s an exciting passage to recite, and it usually elicits a warm response from listeners.
While it should be intuitive, I think it needs to be said: people follow their leaders. Leaders influence and impact. Those who lead others must understand their responsibility. Those we lead watch our behaviors. They listen to us talk. Whether intentional or not, followers pick up traits and characteristics from their leaders.
This post is directed toward ministry leaders.
It’s Resurrection Week and church leaders all over the world are headlong into a massive ministry week. Most dream of capacity crowds and are focused on either filling their buildings or a specific numerical goal. While this is reasonable and usually honorable, the focus on “counting” can become deadly.
About 20 years ago, my father in law was visiting our church. We had a meal event after the service. As the meal was finishing up, I grabbed a broom and started cleaning up. He called me aside and told me that I shouldn’t be doing that, I should allow others to do the clean up. I told him that it was important for me to exemplify servant leadership.
I’m Palm Sunday sermon prepping. Of course, included in the Biblical texts of Passion Week is the little understood phenomenon of Jesus cursing the fig tree. If you are not a Bible scholar, this “cursing” has nothing to do with inappropriate language. Jesus cursed the tree, in essence, killed it with His words, because the tree was not producing fruit.
Thoughts on Life and Leading 